I have had an amazing mentor in my life for years. I've been blessed to sit in Bible studies with her where I have learned how to be a better wife and mommy. I remember a story she tells of when her children were all little and life was crazy and chaotic and the Lord spoke in to her heart about her mission as a wife and mother. How at that moment she began to understand that her purpose wasn't just to make it through each crazy day but so much more. At the time I thought it all sounded great but I was still in that "surviving" place with my growing family. (I think I was pregnant with Gracie so things were definitely crazy and chaotic:) Well, recently I had my own revelation. First let me say that if any of you follow me on FB or instagram - for the most part I only post the "best" of my day or the moments when things are how I always imagine they will be. I usually don't post when I'm at my wits end and yell at one or all of my kids for driving.me.crazy. Or when we stay in our pjs for 3 days straight and they may brush their teeth once in that time period - mom of the year over here :) I am no SUPER mom. 5 kids 5 and under is hard. A lot. But so was 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. People tell me, "I could never do what you do". Yea, I would have said the same thing 5 years ago - but here we are and honestly, (I don't say this because it sounds poetic) only because of God's grace and mercy in my life daily am I able to do it and apparently make it look easy to some (but don't forget - you're only seeing what I want you to see:)
SOOO, one day last week was hard. Really hard. Like I wanted to get in my car and drive until I ran out of gas and then just sit there, in my quiet car and go to sleep. I would of taken a quiet bathroom break - anything - but that just doesn't happen too much around here. There were lots of things that made that particular day seem hard - and honestly I know the enemy was in a lot of it. But during that day I just wallowed in it - believing how hard it was and that no one understands or can even help me and how I NEVER get a break, blah blah blah. By the time Jeremy got home I was a real peach I'm sure :) After sharing all my complaints with him - to which he had no solution I continued to feel sorry for myself as I made my way in to bed.
At the beginning of every year our church always sets aside 21 days to pray and fast and seek the Lord. I usually try to get up early and join the 6am prayer and worship service on line. So on the next morning I was up early ready to pray and hear from the Lord - well, boy did I ever hear from Him. About 15 minutes in to my prayer and worship time as I was praying for my family and my revelation came. These days are going by sooo fast. The fact that James is 5 1/2 really blows my mind most days. I feel like I can literally see that the time he has in pure innocence of this dark world is quickly coming to an end - it looks like an open window that is almost closed shut. Soon he will hear things, see things, be exposed to things that will change him. But right now, while I am home 24/7 with my babies all day, every day - this is MY time to pour everything I have in to them. I told Jeremy this is my time to brainwash them! I am the single most influential person in their lives right now. I am more and more aware every day of what a dark, God loathing world we live in. I think the world has always been this way but the landscape of America sure seems darker and now that I have children I sure see things differently. It's not going to be easy for them as teenagers or adults who love God. The world is going to throw lies at them every where they turn. This is the time that I teach them the truths of God's word and what He says about them - so when those days come when some one tells them something different than what they know to be true - and it may even feel true at the time - they will be so sure of who God says they are because it will be so "brainwashed" in them (for lack of a better term) they will be able to stand firm and fight. They will be able to say, "what you're saying does appear to be true at this time but I KNOW it's not because of the real truth that I have inside of me." The truth that I am pouring in to them RIGHT now. Soon enough I will have plenty of breaks; plenty of time alone, plenty of meals I'll get to eat hot because I won't have a baby to feed first :( Before I know it they will all be gone and out in this world fulfilling the purposes God has put in them. I'm sure there will be plenty of days and nights that I will be on my knees for my children through out their lives. I don't think that ever changes no matter how old your children are. But right now I am going to focus on this short window of time I have with them more than focusing on needing a break or how hard things are. These are the children God entrusted to us for this short time and I've got a job to do.
Does the job feel harder than I can do - ABSOLUTELY - and that's where He is teaching me more and more to rely on Him every day for EVERY thing.
Soooo, all that to say - I have a short amount of time with these amazing people God has given us and I want to trust God, work hard, be intentional in everything I do and raise some world changers all for the glory of God!
Now, do I still have hard days - absolutely but Im trying not to wallow in it and quickly turn it over to the Lord and get back to what I'm called to!!
All my mommy friends - be encouraged! Our Heavenly Father loves our babies even more than we do and He new exactly what He was doing when He gave them to us. You may not be like me or your mom friends from your Bible study but you're exactly what babies need :)
"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles" Galatians 1:15-16
Praying this for my children. I know that it is only the Holy Spirit that will call, draw, reveal Jesus to them. Thankful I get to be a part of what He is doing in and through them :) Thankful for these days.
I started writing this post over a month ago and haven't been able to get back to it and get my thoughts on paper like I want. The whole reason I wrote it was to encourage myself and any others that might be where I am. So, while this post is not perfect I'm going to go ahead and send it out.
